


Ships In The Night

by orphan_account



Series: 30 Day Song fic writing challenge [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, so this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 07:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Niall and Harry were, little they loved each other, maybe they had different ways of showing it but they did and they still do and maybe one never said it and maybe one will never hear it, but it’s there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ships In The Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Ships In The Night by Mat Kearny

_And pops stayed the same and your moms moved away_   
_How many of our parents seem to make it anyway_   
_We're just fumbling through the grey_   
_Trying find a heart that's not walking away_

Harry’s five when Niall throws sand in his face. Harry has tears in his eyes because he didn’t want to leave his mommy but she had told him he had to be a big boy… Harry didn’t want to be a big boy.

Anyways Harry was sitting on the floor, making little sand castles that looked unstable. To Harry though they looked perfect and if he could he would live in it.

Suddenly there was a kid standing in front of him, and then a whole bunch of sand in his face. Harry wailed!

“Only sissies make sand castles!” The boy cried with a weird accent Harry had never heard before. Harry toppled back and fell into the sand, crying.

“Mommy!” He screamed and the boy laughed. The teacher came of course, teachers always come after somebody’s been damaged, and then she told the boy, Niall to apologize as if that would save Harry’s castle.

“Sorry.” Niall said huffily and when Harry finally could open his eyes he stared at the blonde and sniffed, Harry’s favorite color was blue and Niall’s eyes were blue. Maybe he could be forgiven after all.

“It’s okay.” Harry had muttered with a small pout and the teacher fluffed his hair,

“Good boy, Harry!” She gushed as if he was some kind of dog, he didn’t like his teacher in Kindergarten.

~~

After that day Harry wouldn’t go to the sand castles anymore, he’d follow Niall around. Niall hung out with this big kid named Louis and two other boys named Liam and Zayn. All three kids scared Harry because they always were getting into trouble; even Liam with his puppy dog eyes was constantly doing something bad.

Niall on the other hand was the only one Harry actually looked up to. Niall with the weird accent, crooked teeth, brown hair and electrifying blue eyes. Yes, Niall made fun of him daily and called him a pansy but he would apologize, Harry would forgive, and Harry was happy because he had made a best friend.

~~

It’s their last year of elementary school and Harry and Niall are close. Niall has become better than he was in kindergarten but still sort of mean, still there. Harry doesn’t know if it’s because his mom left them but Harry’s always sad now, because his dad is no longer with them and he went to heaven.

Niall’s angry and Harry’s sad, Niall screams and Harry cries. Harry sneaks out his window every night to meet Niall on the little riverbank, both of them kicking rocks.

“Middle school will be so much better than this… shit!” Niall screams throwing rocks into the river. Harry watches as the rocks skip and then they sink. Niall’s taken to cursing now, a whole bunch. He says Louis does it a lot… Harry doesn’t like Louis because Louis’ scary and mean. Harry thinks if Louis weren’t there, Niall would be better.

~~

They’re both in 8th grade when Harry tells Niall his secret. Niall stole his dad’s beer and they’re both by the river, leaning on trees and getting totally shit-faced.

“I’m going to tell you something.” Harry slurred and Niall turned his head,

“Hmm?”

“I think I like boys… not girls.” Harry whispers and he’s mostly saying it to himself because that’s the first time he’s said that to anyone. He’s said it to himself in the mirror but never to someone else and Harry has a sinking feeling in his stomach that Niall’s going to punch him or worse… leave.

“Really?” Niall asks and Harry turns his head,

“Yeah.” He whispers and Niall chuckles,

“Well I think I like you.” And Harry feels his heart grow feet, and leap right out of his chest because what? “I said I think I like you.” Niall stated again and Harry is staring at him, mouth gaping because Niall likes him?

“Yeah?” Harry asks and Niall nods... than he throws up all over the grass.

~~

They’re in tenth grade when Niall kisses him. Niall is still Niall, mad at the world and everything around him while Harry is still Harry, depressed and moody ready to give it up. Niall told Louis that Harry was gay in freshman year and Louis didn’t take well to that. Every day was a daily battle and ever since freshman year, Niall hasn’t talked to Harry… Harry wonders if he remembers what he said to Harry that night also.

Harry isn’t one for revenge so he’s never told Niall’s secret… even if he did, who would believe him? Niall’s all beautiful and blue eyed, while Harry’s all lanky and to tall and to everything. To flamboyant according to boys, which he isn’t! To gay, Harry doesn’t even know what that means. He’s heard the girls call him to pretty to be gay, Harry doesn’t care… he’s learned to take it.

Anyways it’s a day after school and his tormentors aren’t there, probably playing some Neanderthal game of football that Harry hates. Harry finds himself walking to the riverbank that he hasn’t been to since 8th grade; he wonders what it looks like now.

When Harry gets there, Niall’s there. He’s tossing a soccer ball around and he looks so concentrated, his eyebrows crashing together, his tongue out and he looks really good wearing some track pants.

Harry feels his throat close up because he hasn’t spoken to Niall since forever because really Niall’s a big douche bag but Harry loves him, Harry wants to hug him and listen to him talk about how much he hates his life. He wants to listen to Niall rant about how unfair his father is, how unfair his mother is for leaving and how unfair his brother is for just giving up.

“Niall.” Harry whispers, Niall stops, and the ball goes rolling away. Niall turns his head and stares at Harry, he sneers,

“What are you doing here?” Harry stares at him and shakes his head as if that’ll answer Niall’s question,

“Just hanging you know.” Harry whispers running a hand through his chocolate curls. Niall is still staring at him and he nods,

“Okay.” Harry nods back unsure what to do because here Niall is and he loves Niall, so much it aches his being but Niall’s been making him cry since he was five.

“Remember the last time we were here together?” Niall asks looking around and Harry wants to tell him yeah I told you I was gay and you told me you liked me and then just like that you were gone but all Harry does is nod. “Everything was so… different, Haz.” Niall says and Harry looks down at his feet at the nickname, Niall was the only person who called him that.

“Yeah… so different.” Harry muses looking up at Niall. Niall nods,

“I still do you know.” Harry stares at him, unsure what to say because Harry isn’t an idiot! He knows what Niall is talking about and he should feel elated he should but he feels a sinking feeling of dread because Niall isn’t allowed to do this! He isn’t allowed to make Harry trust him, to make Harry love him than throw Harry in the trash and then come back acting like everything was okay when it wasn’t. Niall was one of the reasons for Harry’s sadness, for the never-ending feeling of not being good enough.

“Say something Haz.” Niall whispers and Harry shakes his head,

“What do you want me to say Niall? What?” Harry whispers pleadingly because he doesn’t know what Niall wants from him.

“Anything.” Niall replies and Harry scoffs,

“You’re such a douche.” And Harry means it so much because Niall is! Niall is the biggest douche that has ever lived and Harry loves him, Harry has never had great judgment for fucks sakes he looked up to Niall for half his life, but this was not going to fly.

“I know.” Niall says and Harry rolls his eyes,

“What do you want? A prize?” Harry asks and Niall shakes his head than leans into Harry’s personal space, making Harry wish he had an on inhaler even though he doesn’t have asthma because Harry can’t breathe.

“Just you.” Niall says and then he crashes their lips together.

~~

It’s senior year and Louis dies in a car accident. Harry’s sitting in his house and flipping through the TV channels when Niall calls him. Niall and him have been… better. They didn’t start some kind of relationship, they just snuck out every night met on the river bank and kissed. Harry knew this was wrong, considering Niall didn’t speak one word to him in school and he’d whisper apologies into Harry’s mouth at night but Harry loved him and he was kind of a glutton for punishment. If Harry had a dime for every time Niall apologized, Harry could buy a big villa.

Anyways Harry’s in his room when his phone rings. He raises an eyebrow and wonders who is calling him considering he really had no friends; he didn’t even know what him and Niall were.

“Hello.” Harry says,

“Oh my goodness Harry! Louis’ gone, Louis’ dead!” It’s Niall and all Harry can do is listen to Niall blubber on and on and Harry’s frozen because what does he say? He’s sad for Niall, he is because he doesn’t wish death on anyone but Louis’ been tormenting him since he was a child. Louis’ done things to Harry that Harry can’t forgive, Louis’ a reason for Harry’s depression.

“I’m so sorry Niall.” But he doesn’t think Niall hears him because he keeps crying and Harry hangs up the phone. Harry climbs out the window and drives to Niall’s house.

He and Niall have sex that night and Harry cries endlessly when he gets home.

~~

Harry’s home for Christmas break on his second year of uni when he gets the news that Niall’s dead. He OD’d on pills and Harry doesn’t know how to feel, doesn’t know what to say. With Louis, it was somewhat like, I can’t believe someone so invincible is gone but with Niall it’s like someone I loved so much is no longer here.

Harry gets into his car and drives to the cemetery. He finds Niall’s headstone, full of flowers that aren’t dead. It’s so ironic and sad and Harry just stares. He should probably say something for Niall’s memory but he’s pulling a blank.

So, Harry gets to his knees and he bows his head. Harry isn’t religious so he doesn’t really pray to a god, he prays to Niall even though he doesn’t even know where Niall went. He doesn’t think there’s a specific place so he just prays that Niall’s okay.

And maybe they were never meant to be because Niall never said the three words and maybe Harry’s just fooling himself but he was almost sure Niall loved him too.

Harry gets up and walks home. That night he dreams of sand in the eyes, riverbanks and a kiss.

And Niall’s memory is fleeting and beautiful, like a ship in the night. 

_Like ships in the night_   
_You keep passing me by_   
_We're just wasting time_   
_Trying to prove who's right_   
_And if it all goes crashing into the sea_   
_If it's just you and me trying to find the light_


End file.
